Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
