I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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