addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She even gives head with a lisp.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
