hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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