He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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