have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
