If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
