please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
