so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
