When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize