theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
