I skipped work to stalk him.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
