don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
