Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
