why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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