Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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