So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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