omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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