that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
