Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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