Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
