Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
