Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
