About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
