no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
