Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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