just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
