There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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