What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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