Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Michael Bay diarrhea
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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