Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
