He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
