I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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