you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
