So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
