Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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