I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
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