I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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