I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
