I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
