dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
