I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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