Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize