I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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