you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize