Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
