every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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