Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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