my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
