i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
