Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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