No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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