just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
