dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
