Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
