So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
this hospital has no fireball
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
