Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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