I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
