I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
