I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
