I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
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