Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
