2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
