Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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