Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
