that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
