You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
