a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
