In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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