Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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